Cherish Madness
by NorthernShinigami
Summary: He will always cherish. It doesn't matter that she always hated him. He'll never stop loving her, after all, she IS his mother and she has no replacement...even if she killed him herself.Better than summary. Twisted and disturbing. ONE SHOT


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach**.**

**Characters and warnings:**Hinamori (Aizen mentioned), Ukitake, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Character's death, a pack of hungry wolves, a dark forest, a small well, a mad woman (you'll see) and one author with SERIOUS issues. **It's disturbing. Very VERY disturbing**.

Inspired by the songs Akatsuki No Kurums, For Fruits Basket, Cherish (Ai Otsuka) and every tragic\nostalgic song you can think about.

**P.s**: Authors who gets inspired by that is free to use the ideas in this piece as they wish (in case it'll feel to someone like stealing- trust me, I KNOW) p.s2: sorry to dissapoint you (and **myself**) but HItsugaya is NOT pale. He's tanned.

* * *

"So, I heard you were going down to the Living-World again?"

"Yes, tomorrow...actually, that's why I came to see you, Ukitake-Taichou."

"Has it got something to do with being so suddenly announced?" Ukitake asked the strawberry-blond-haired woman, face set in fully innocence expression. They were sitting on the wooden floor outside of his room, sipping tea and watching the Koi pond.

Matsumoto blink. "... 'suddenly?'...what do you mean by that?"

"Well," the white-haired captain started. "From what I've heard you always disappear to Karakura and your captain goes to fetch you so you'll be back to work." Matsumoto flinched lightly while Ukitake sipped from his cup, smiling. "But this time you announced. Why so?"

The Tenth's vice nearly groaned. How did Ukitake knows about her skipping work? -not that it's such a big secret but still...-no, wait. Kyona was the the one who asked her for this in the first place, so she probably heard from Isane...well, it doesn't matter.

She shook her head; it really didn't matter. What's matters is that soon she and whoever comes with her will be enjoying themselves and simply relaxing in the amusement park. While she was explaining to the sickly captain the she has four tickets to the amusement park in the Living-World and she's dragging her own Taichou with her and Kyone suggested to take Ukitake with her since between sickness and work he doesn't have much time to relax and enjoy himself, Hinamori silently knocked on the door, announcing her entrance.

"I know!" Ukitake said suddenly. "If you have one ticked left, we can take Hinamori-kun too! I'm sure Hitsugaye-kun will be me more encouraged to go if she'll come with us." He suggested enthusiastically.

"Umm, I just came to deliver these..." Hinamori gestured to the box in her hand, containing this month's candy and medication supply from the Fourth." Unohana-Taichou asked me to, but... take me where?" She blinked in confusion.

"To the amusement park; I have tickets!" The strawberry-blond haired woman sang. "Captains have way too much work lately so I'm taking HItsugaya-Taichou and Ukitake-Taichou, and you're coming too!"

"Really?! but," Hinamori's face lit up but then fell. "There is too much work to do, and the Fifth Division doesn't exactly have Captain right now..." She murmured with saddened face. Matsumoto snored.

"The Third and Fifth Divisions too, and that didn't stop Hisagi and Kira from going to the beach at the Living-World. You're coming. You too need a break or you'll turn workaholic just like Hitsugaya-Taichou."

"Rangiku-san, that's not very nice." Hinamori scowled. "But I agree that Hitsugaya-kun needs a break...but still," she then sighed. "I feel guilty abou this...the guys at the Division working themselves hard while they Vice-captain is off playing around..."

"Hinamori!" Matsumoto whined. "you're coming and that's an order!" She stated with no room for arguments.

"Ha?? Wha-- Rangiku-san, You can't order me around!" Hinamori squeaked. "I'm the same rank as you are!"

"Ahh...I guess you're right..." Rangiku thought for a moment. "Ah! but Ukitake-Taicho can!"

Ukitake, who was musing deep in thoughts, not really listening the two females. "I guess It'll look a lot like we're family, from the humans's point of view, then ..." he murmured, not really considering what he was saying. Hinamori gave him a confused look. "Family?" but Matsumoto apparently understood what he was talking about.

"Ho, I think I get it!" She nodded smiling. "Like people will think that Hitsugaya-Taicho is Ukitake-Taichou's son and you're as is his father, 'cause you're hair is so similar-"

Unnoticeable to the two, Hinamori suddenly frowned.

"-and Matsumoto-san as the mother -you're eyes _are _quite similar too, you know-" Ukitake continued in amusement. Now Matsumoto frowned too.

"Hey, I'm not that old! -and his eyes are partly green, not the pale blue like mine...-actually, I'm starting to think that his eyes's color kinda changes everytime...it's kinda scary..." she shuddered, mumbling her statement as if it being odd." Anyway, in that case Hinamori should be seen as the older sister! she has brown eyes like yours!"

The conversation prossessed as Hinamori continued to frown, gazing between the two of them. It wasn't untill couple of minutes later that she voiced her thoughts out loud.

"You...don't really meant it, do you?" She mumbled hesitantly, not looking them in the eye at first, but than looking at Rangiku distressfuly. "Rangiku-san, you don't really think that Hitsugaya-kun sees you as a mother, do you?"

Rangiku gaped with open mouth, taken back and closing it few times, not sure what to say. "W-well..I...wait," She suddenly said. "You mean that Taichou actually sees me as a mother figure?!" She than taken back by herself. "Not...not that it's a bad thing, I guess..." She mumbled, much to Hinamori's mortification. "He's still just a boy no matter how old he tries to act. And it sure feels like I'm taking care of him sometimes..." she smiled softly.

But immediatlly scowled back, whining. "But I'm too young to be a mother!"

"Don't worry, Rangiku-san." Hinamori promised. "I'm sure that even though you're a much like a mother-figure, Shiro-chan can't ave you as a mother. And Ukitake-Taichou as a father-figure, I guess (since he never had one so he doesn't really see that that way). He'll never except that." She sighed, mumbling. "The problem with both of us is that we cherish too much..."

"What..do you mean, by 'won't except that' exactly? and cherish what?"

"Shiro-chan can't have you...or rather doesn't want you as a mother?..." She sighed, thinking about the best way to explain them what she meant without having to tell the story itself. Ukitake, seeing what was to come, decided she shouldn't be standing and noted her to seat down. So eventually, sitting with a cup of tea held in her palms, she found a way to explain herself.

"It's more like he 'cannot have perants' rather than anything." She mused silently. "In Rukongai, people form families of their own to react to their needs, but the truth is, I have known Shiro-chan from the very start; back from our time in the Human-World, before we died and came to soul Society."

"I see..." Matsumoto murmured. "It's the thing with being orphans. You eventually learn to manage on your own, and as long as you're not alone; if there's someone with you, the absence of 'perants' doesn't really bothers as long as you keep on living...it's specially true in Rukongai,_ I know_. " She sipped from her tea. "From what I learned in the Living-World, in these modern days it's a big deal for children to not grow up with loving authority figures such as mother and father by their side, but..."

"But even in the Human-World the old days were just like Rukongai. Children were never treated as kids, just working and studying so they'll be able too to take care of themselves when older." Said Ukitake, turning to Hinamori. "So you two never really have the chance to think about such things as having fun or having parents, while having more important things to worry about..."

Hinamori's face, however, were oddly troubled as she clutched her cup tightly.

"No, that's... you are right about what you said but... it's not...it's not something like this."

"What do you mean?"

Hinamori gazed at the water in silence. After a few minutes of utter silence she took a deep breath and started explaining in half-sorrowful voice.

"...I was and am an orphan, like many kids who grew up alone. It's not true that I never thought about having my own parents... when I first met Shiro-chan I was envious of him... because he had his own mother." The two listeners blinked in surprise. "Sometimes -too many times than I could count- when other kids or even older people did something or said something bad about his mother he would immediately get defensive, so protective..it was obvious of course -she was his mother after all-, so I haven't really thought much about that ...about what kind of person she was... but...when I got to knew her better, there were times I simply couldn't understand how he could love her so much..." she murmured silently, clutching tightly to her cup and gazing at the water, reminiscing about those early days when she got to knew him, when the other kids mocked him and his mother and when he tried to protect her, his big mouth would usually get him beaten up and she would help him to get home while he was bleeding.

His mother herself never lift a finger on him (or for him), at least Hinamori didn't saw bruises she didn't recognize- but she always stood on the side, just watching with these cold eyes she bequeathed to her child, uncaring at how badly he was beaten up for _her_ sake.

"I'm an orphan, so I thought I will never be able to truly understand how can one cherish someone like her so much, even if she was his mother, but..." Hinamori swallowed hard. "But... know I think I understand know."

She than took a deep breath.

"I know Aizen-Taichou did unforgivable things." Matsumoto and Ukitake nearly choked on their tea from hearing the girl's sudden words. "I know... I'm not delusional, you know; I understand what kind of person he turned out to be, and that people will never forgive him... even I am having hard time forgiving him fully for what he has done, but... I can't bring myself to fully hate him..." She smiled sadly.

"It's not about my admiration to him anymore. I now know he wasn't a good person, even if I can't fully convince myself this just yet, it's not a delusion, it's just... I will never forget... the Aizen-Taichou** I **knew. I cannot replace him, not really. That is why I said that me and Shiro-chan... we both cherish too much."

"...Hinamori..."

"We both cherish our memories too much."

And Ukitake and Matsumoto only smiled, because perhaps, Hinamori was right, because really hating someone brings nothing but pain, and forgiveness is an important factor for sanity, and because Rangiku could understand that too well. Even after all the things Gin has done, she still has her memories from him. And why throw away the good things, even if not much?

But... -the two thought suddenly with dreading hearts, smiles dropping as their eyes met- why did it just sound much like Hinamori was compering _Aizen Souske _to Hitsugaya's _mother_?...

* * *

...

Deep in the middle of a black winter's forest, an old bricked and well peeked out of the white ground as heavy snow and rain fell all around it and on the black half-naked trees that shook violently with the storm's frosty breeze. The deep blue of the sky of the night and the full moon was completely concealed by the gloomy dark-grey heavy clouds of the cold raging storm. A loud thunder strike echoed the forest mere moments after a white lightning lit the sky and flashed on the grey of the stone stained with green moss and mold, dried frozen branched stuck to it (were once colorful green plants and beautiful flowers); an old well sealed with a big, round, grey, hard and heavy stone that left a very small crack between the well's surface and itself.

Another lighting stroked trough the air and flashed on the sealing hard stone, the crushing sound of the thunder muffling the desperate cries of the child beneath the stone. Thin legs kicked the frozen dark-emerald water as the small hands clawed to the slippery cold walls of the small dark well in a desperate attempt to keep his head above the water and maybe even climb up. The boy's shaking body under the wet light robe and strenuous breathing that released scattering clouds as white as his messy hair showed exactly how much in a bad shape he was. Yet, he never stopped kicking the watter and clawing the walls and crying for somebody to save him even after his legs got tired and his hands got numb and his voice turned hoarse.

His last whispered cry was silenced by a crushing thunder and freezing burning liquid filling his lungs as he sunk deep underneath the water, bright eyes ponitlessly wide and bloody nails leaving red trailmarks on the grey stone.

The last thing he saw before the and darkness consumed him was a dark silhouette distantly shadowing over him and long, loose strand of snowy white hair quickly flashing through the small crack of the well's lid as few white snowflakes fell inside, lightened by the crimson moon looming out of the clouds.

The last thing he heard, right after the last of the crushing thunders of the storm, was the loudly echoing sound of a woman's laughter.

An with that the storm calmed down.

Hitsugaya Toshirou died in the age of six, drowned deep in a small, cold and dark well. His hair stayed the white it was, his eyes recieved the teal color of the water that reflected on the walls inside the well, he gained the most powerful ice-snow type Zanpakuto whose eyes shinned bright red and a preference for open spaces and outside places which gained him some tan on his pale skin over the years in Rukongai;

It was a perfect illumination of his death.

And the reason for his short fuse and cold demeanor.

Hitsugaya Toshirou was killed by his own mother.

Therefor, he had never passed away to Soul Society by himself.

...not until it was too late.

* * *

...

Besides him, one more person new the truth of his death: In the night of his death, a ten years old orphan girl made her way quickly through the raging snowstorm and trees, wearing nothing but a light turn Yukata that was obviously not meant for such a weather. She run frantically, brown shoulder-length hair loosely waving around her flushed face, not daring looking back.

She did not need to look back to see the furry animals chasing her, as she could simply hear the wolves's howls and barks on her tail. She knew how dangerous it was for a little girl such as herself to be in a dark wild forest in the middle of a freezing stormy night, and yet she was out there, even though she didn't knew in which direction to go.

She never reached her destination. The wolves ripped her to bloody shreds before the storm was over.

Hitsugaya Toshirou was a boy genius. He was smart, clever, a sharp-minded. A fast-thinker. He always did his best, learning fast and working hard.

He always understood everything, being in the center of the action and making sure to always know what is going on.

He hated not knowing what's going on.

He hated not understanding things.

So he became a boy-genius.

He worked hard and learnd fast, so there would be nothing he couldn't understand.

But no matter how much he tried, there always was and is one thing he couldn't understand. Never.

How is that that mother can kill her own child and laugh about it?

* * *

...

How is that that a captain, pretending to be kind and loving person, kill his seemingly-closest subordinate, a kind and loving person herself who loved and cherished and admired him more that anything -someone who was like a father to her-, enough to point a sword and attack someone who was even closer to her?

That is, probably, what angered him the most.

* * *

...

And yet, he never stopped loving his mother.

He blamed himself. He knew she had to put up with him and the society from bringing a child as odd and unusuak as him.

He knew she hated him. No matrer how hard he tried to make her love him for real, he knew she hated him.

But yet he believed in her.

He loved her.

He still loves her. And he will never replace her.

Never. She would, was and will always be his mother, even he tries to understand through Rangiku, and maybe even Ukitake, what true love of a parent is.

He will never replace her as his mother.

Even if she killed him herself with a smile on her face.

And that is what he hates the most.

Hinamori is the same. That's why he will never forgive Aizen.

Never.

* * *

_Cherish._

_Even if it's a madness._

**END**

* * *

**...Ok, boys and girls, I want some self analysis here from you! My own: actually I realized this only after finishing typing this fic; I thought that maybe his mother couldn't stand that she had such a loving child that cares about her so much that she..I donno, couldn't except his lovre and eventually went mad from self-blame or something...**

**But I thought about that only later. This fic simply started from a death scene I wanted to write (I know, I have some **_**serious**_**issues _), and I added Ukitake in there, and before I knew it Hinamori's own analysis with Aizen appeared...so...**

**I also tried to write to be shrouded with mystery! noticed how I've DIDN'T written that they were actually going through abusiv society? that's 'cause MAYBE they DIDN'T, and... I originally planned the mother to be mentally ill. So..yeah... (I think I just killed the mystery. ho, well...)**

**Personally, I think that's one of my best pieces EVER. So you better review!**


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